I read somewhere, “let’s avoid hurrying to verbalize” and resonated with it because I was giving myself a hard time for not being able to produce a paragraph. Which is why you didn’t get last month’s mail. Even now, these observations have come in short bursts to me.
1.
Ever since I took the ISL (Indian Sign Language) course, I see people all around me speaking in sign language. I saw a couple in the Galleria market walking past me and talking to each other in sign language. I saw a man talking to someone over a video call in the hospital via sign language. I might not understand all the signs as yet but it feels like a whole other sense that has been activated. Just in case you or someone you know would like to take up this course, you can DM the nice folks of Atulyakala on their Instagram page. Watching Coda reinstated my desire to learn the basics of the language & it is easily one of my top favorite movies of the year.
2.
I recently realized or more like accepted it to myself that I’m an insecure friend. I called it out loud to my best friend & she enjoyed my love bombing. But in all seriousness, this explains why I have friends on a 1:1 basis. I have no friend groups. And if any of my close friends talk about their other close friends, I tell myself in my mind that I’m their number 1 and rest all can fall in line.
3.
In February this year, I received a wedding invite from a friend. It was a lovely ecard with her & her partner’s doodle designed on the cover with simple words scribbled on it inviting to be a part of the ceremony. As I read through the card, my gaze fell on the RSVP section of it and it had her best friend’s name & number written over it. I whispered to myself, how lucky to get your name scribbled on to your friend’s wedding invite. It was an instant longing to experience something similar. A friendship based on trust, sans hesitation. A friendship which says if things go wrong, I will sit with you in the dark. A friendship where you don’t feel the need to emphasize on its importance by calling them family. A friendship which puts friendship on a pedestal where it should always really be.
4.
When I was in 11th standard, I remember getting tested on our physical endurance in school as part of the course curriculum. We were supposed to run a race and I was running to my best abilities (i really liked to run) but as I glanced backwards I saw my friend panting her heart out. I stopped. I waited for her. I took her hand and made her run alongside me. At that time, it felt natural to me. I remember her hugging me tight and thanking me for what I did. It didn’t feel as significant then but now when I think of it, I feel such a massive ball of respect and tenderness for that smol riti.
5.
I’ve made a tiny alteration in my humanness. Whenever a thing or an instance reminds me of someone I reach out to them & tell them about it. I feel a sense of belonging by maintaining touch with people who have left an impression on my life. Like recently, as I listened to Amit Varma’s conversation with author Shrayana Bhattacharya, I knew I have to get this book for a friend or atleast recommend it to her. The book is called Desperately Seeking Shahrukh in which Shrayana has tried to connect economics with a woman’s identity and then added srk’s role on how he & the roles he has undertaken makes an Indian woman feel loved and heard. It’s an extremely interesting perspective according to me. One can hear the podcast here & check out the book here.
6.
Soft edged Bombay. A city that goes haywire & a city which is at the risk of flooding with rising sea water level. In its thumb shaped hustle bustle, pedestrians apologizing to vehicle owners when the vehicles hit them by mistake, small lanes graffitied with faces of Bollywood super stars, buildings laden with huge movie posters, people blowing whistles on appearance of ajay devgan on the big screen, relishing sev puri on my return from the touristy visit to elephanta caves, I couldn't help but notice that Bombay is soft edged. Ever since I observed this tenderness of Bombay’s architecture, I kept rechecking as if to find an error in this observation. I kept an eye on every edge of every road I passed through. All of Bombay’s footpaths are curved around the edges. Maybe that’s how Bombay decided to provide some space to its residents who otherwise have to pay a hefty price for every sq ft of space they occupy.
7.
As we were strolling through the streets of Colaba, I purchased a little painting made on an old postcard from right outside Jehangir art gallery. Whenever my mind has to make a decision which involves art, music, or any new creative form that I'd like to try.. it naturally inclines to make that purchase from a woman designer, woman musician, paintings of women, by women. Maybe that’s my inner self trying to find peace in the fact that in these small acts of support, I show my solidarity to women & their existence in an otherwise harsh, patriarchal, “not-all-men”, oppressive world.
8.
The excitement with which one human looks at another. The exhilaration of finding a human who interests you & makes you gleeful. Just the facial expression of this joy, when observed, is simply beautiful.
9.
Tale of an endearing way to tell someone that you love them. Once on meeting my partner after a long time, when it was time to say our goodbyes, I told him in relief that I now have enough fuel to last for another week without seeing his face. He looked at me with a hurt annoyance and said, “my fuel will run out tomorrow only - not sure about you”. I melted, of course.
10.
A very recent observation of life coming at a full circle when a friend shared a poem titled The thing is, by Ellen Bass. As I muddle through bleak & big miseries of life, my heart pounded with joy when I received this unexpected message in the form of a poem. It served as a reminder to persist, to look inside & rediscover the good in you. It came in as a full circle because this is the same poem that I shared with another friend a few months back who’s been in a long distress. There’s comfort in knowing that you have friends who understand that sometimes when words fail, poems become your words. She reminded me to be kind through this message because she sent it the next day of her 31st birthday which I had forgotten. As much of a closeted simp that I am, I will keep this memory close to my heart.
Ending this letter with the same poem, hope it comforts you too.
xx
Riti
18th sip
A friendship where you don’t feel the need to emphasize on its importance by calling them family. A friendship which puts friendship on a pedestal where it should always really be.
Beautiful!