I take my book to the pot these days. I wake up at 7, make tea, sit outside in my lovely verandah. It's more like a courtyard surrounded by leaves - big & small, green & yellow, some dried and littered over the stairs. I gaze at the playfulness of light and shadow. Take out my camera and click pictures of anything that catches my attention. The house I live in is over a hundred years old. The landlord keeps giving me trivia about the house every time we get chatty in the garden area. Along with trivia, she gives me food, smoothies, waffles, paranthas & pies. She made a black forest cake for my birthday. I remember telling a friend I’m not habitual of receiving such love. I think I have started believing in the phrase, we accept the love we think we deserve.
“What have you cooked for lunch?” she asked one day, walking towards her house.
“Nothing yet”, I said while standing in my verandah holding her two year old in my arms. I was still at the figuring out stage about food in the new house. Even though it was 2 weeks since the move.
“I’ve made daal, palak paneer with chapatis & rice. How many chapatis would you like? 4? 5?”
I laughed. Surprised but more shocked with the way she offered food with a solid unsaid care towards me.
“You don’t have to do this”, I said.
She asked again about the number of chapatis.
Two.
Next thing I know, I had a big feast for one spread over my dining table. There was all that she mentioned and a bowl of the tastiest salads I have had.
Sitting on the couch of my Goa home as I type this. With a view of its lovingly & generously grown garden. There are very many lilies & money plants crawling at the entrance of the porch. Two dogs, Coco & Bella, who nap, bark and guard the house. Their guarding can come several notches lower though. Coco likes to sit under the sofa a lot. She makes the prettiest puppy eyes I can’t say no to. Bella is more sorted. She too has made a spot for herself inside my living room though. There’s Cinnamon, the kitten, who visits once in the afternoon & evening to sniff and jump around the entire house. She’ll sit on me for not more than 5 minutes and purr. A tiny two year old child, my landlord’s daughter, who has the warmest warmth of a sun encapsulated in her “hiii”. The voice usually comes through her bedroom window, sometimes from the back door for when I leave it open. And this sound becomes unbearably delicious on days when she adds my name to her “hiii”. She gives the goodest ring to my name, makes me like my name more. She climbs the stairs to my porch every morning and gives me a morning hug. Then takes my yoga mat & says on repeat, “exershise”. She makes for the most adorable downward dog pose contestant. Sometimes asks me to put Coco-melon on youtube. Then demands for an orange, sometimes a banana & makes herself at home. It feels like every particle in and around this house, now my home, welcomes me.
I’ve been so far from knowing real love that I’ve never been able to see it as it is. Of course there’s toxic love but there’s a kind of love that isn’t a constant heartache. A forgiving love which will always have room for making mistakes and growing from it.
“Between what is said and not meant and what is meant and not said, all the love is lost.” - Khalil Gibran
I imagine the people I have loved as I read this quote. And everything makes sense. We learn love as children. And the kind of love I have known was never demanding but hesitant. But it’s only now, at age 33 of living independently I’ve learnt there’s love in abundance too. It just glows, it converts your hesitancy into courage. I think it’s brave to be able to accept love.
Last year when I quit my job, a dear friend sent me a text wishing me to experience infinite new feelings. I’ll attempt to count the number of times I’ve felt new feelings since. But one thing I remember clearly is every time I experienced a new feeling, I thought of her and the most genuine wish I have received. My dear reader, I wish you exactly the same wish. I wish you experience new feelings and emotions. And anytime you’re scared to do something out of your comfort, I hope you think of this wish and go for it.
Sharing some pictures from my lens. Hoping you’ll see what I see through it. 🙂
On another note, I’ve started teaching yoga. For now, I’m taking online classes. Soon I’ll have a space to take in person sessions. I’m stoked about this beginning. I’m excited to find out where this journey is going to lead me. If any of your friend is looking to learn yoga, route them to my instagram page - Yogwithriti. I’ve also created a website for people to register directly & join from the same link.
Here’s a song I’ve been grooving to these days - Zum zum
During today’s sunset, a friend shared something profound & I’d like to end the letter with the same. Boundaries are the closest distance from where I can love both you & me. :)
Love & light
Riti
#FreePalestine
You made goa come alive with your words & lovely photos. And to do this & write at a deeper level about your relationship with love, made this essay complete for me!
Your writing makes me feel so happy and full ❤️